The 3 C’s of Building Connections During Divorce

bestself community divorce healing Mar 01, 2021

Building meaningful connections during your divorce can help make the journey so much easier. Early in the divorce process I often hear women tell me they feel overwhelmed and don't know where to turn. Think about the value in surrounding yourself with people, groups, and information that will build you up and help you move forward.

Consider the framework of The 3 C's of Building Connections during divorce:

#1 COMMUNITY

The all-encompassing Community of everyone who touches your life. This group represents everyone from your coworkers to neighbors to friends you met in online support groups. Reflect upon who you invite into your larger social community. Reshape your social media to eliminate potential emotional triggers and instead invite supportive groups onto your device.

Here’s what I mean in practical terms:
A) silence or unfollow/unfriend your ex’s friends, coworkers, family, etc.
B) Do not stalk his page and check out what he’s doing with his new girlfriend. This will NOT help you at all and in fact will keep you stuck.
C) Instead find supportive groups – join the Happily Better After Divorce private Facebook group - when you find yourself keying in his name to a search bar, instead go to the group and share your struggle in a safe space.

Community is important, make yours more supportive by editing and silencing those who deplete you while proactively reaching out to supportive people and communities.

#2 CREW

The handful of people who have a "front row seat" to your life and your divorce. This smaller circle of trusted friends are who you can call at 3:27AM crying when you can't sleep. For me, this was a “boo-hoo crew” of three close girlfriends, my mom, and my therapist when I was going through my divorce process.

You know who they are but how do you effectively use the Crew?

Be deliberate and ask for help. I asked my friend to come stay with me for her Spring Break week. It’s OK to ask, your friends want to help you.

Don’t feel pressure to tell everyone in your life about the divorce, in fact avoid unnecessary details in general outside of this Crew.

PRO TIP: Don't be afraid to ask these people for help. You need it right now.

BONUS: Ask a bestie in your Crew to check on you today at any random time; I promise you'll be glad to get that call/text/email.

#3 CORE

The third 3 of building Connections during divorce is staying connected to YOU at your Core. The upheaval you feel in your life may create doubt that you are even connected with yourself.

In fact, many women tell me that they “lost themselves” in their marriage. I understand that a toxic marriage can completely overshadow even the most dynamic woman.

Connecting to your Core will help you take actions that are in line with your character; actions that allow you to stay on that high road, knowing that as you look back on this one day you want to know you did the very best to nurture healing for you and your kids.

Core is who you are on the inside. The circle is YOU and only YOU.

When going through divorce it is easy to feel like you have lost touch with yourself. Unhealthy relationships can leave us feeling isolated and out of touch.

PRO TIP: The divorce journey offers the opportunity to reconnect with yourself in this very moment.

PRO TIP: Always take the high road in service of a core value in yourself ... when you do you'll always win in the end.


COMMUNITY + CREW + CORE

How are you building *CONNECTIONS* using the 3 C's model?

 

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